I want you to know that I love you so much. I am always here to protect you and love you.
You are an amazing person, and I believe that you have many great qualities. I think you're funny, kind, loving, sweet, and intelligent. You're also beautiful. I admire your beauty. You have a cool taste in fashion and music. You always know how to make a funny joke, and you're amazing at standup comedy and improv; you're also a good singer. Life is never dull or boring around you, and I love how you're so easy to talk to. I love how you're always there for the people you love. I love how it's just easy to be with you and enjoy your company, even if we're not saying anything to each other.
Life is certainly not easy, and I'm sorry for the pain that it has caused you. I am sorry that it's hard to get out of bed in the morning. I am sorry that it's hard to fall asleep at night. I am sorry that it feels like you're raw, and everything hurts when it touches you. I'm sorry that it feels like you have no control over anything. I'm sorry that it feels like everyone leaves and no one can be trusted. I'm sorry that the world makes you feel like you're a bad person or worthless.
I am apologizing for these things because I know how you feel. I feel the same way most times, and it sucks. It's hard to be strong. It's hard to want to be strong. It's hard to feel like you have to live for everyone else and not yourself. It's hard to feel like you can live for yourself. Living starts to feel like being everyone else's pet.
But that doesn't make it not worth it.
There is so much pain in the world, and it fogs up all the good. There is so much hurt inside that it becomes like a pair of glasses you see the world through. It starts to make you desperate to get away by any means, even if that means hurting yourself or escaping in some way. I know.
But there is still good. There is still happiness. There are still things to live for in life. There are still people who love you and would feel dead and empty inside without you.
I am one of those people.
Please do not forget the good in the world and the happiness that you have, even if it is just a few moments here and there. Please do not forget the happy times we have shared together. Please do not forget that if you are no longer here, we will no longer be able to share more happy times together. I will not tell you what to live for - because sometimes I can't even answer that question for myself - but I will ask you not to forget. Please do not forget all of the things you still have to do in life. Even little things count. Maybe one day you want to bake the world's largest cake. Well, you can't do that if you're not here, and I won't get to eat it if you don't hang around to make it. And I want to eat that cake. I want to stand next to you while the Guinness Book of World Records takes your picture and writes down your name. I want to be next to you for all of your life's successes, and I want you to be around to make that happen.
I want you to also remember that whether you feel it - or think it - or not, you do have worth. You are worth more than the pain and the sleepless nights and the hard days and the self-loathing and the school system and the desire to hurt yourself or escape. So the next time you find yourself with that razor in hand or those pills on the counter or your head in the clouds, remember my voice and imagine it saying, "I love you. You're worth more than the stars in the sky or the blades of grass down below." Remember the way it feels when I hug you, and imagine me hugging you because if I was there, I would be saying and doing just that.
I'm sorry I can't be there for you all the time. I'm sorry I live so far away. I really am. It tears me apart inside to know that your life goes on without me while we're apart and that I can't be there to share the smiles and the laughs - or even the tears and the pain. I want to be there to help you carry it all, and I'm sorry that I'm not. But just know that my doors are always open, my phone is always on me, and my heart is always understanding and forgiving.
I could never - and will never - stop loving you.
You mean so much to me. You are a part of me. You're my little sister.
Our bond is deep and stronger than the storms that come against it.
Please call me or text me if you ever need help smiling.